I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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