You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
