Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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