when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
