i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
