Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
