proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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