just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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