just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize