Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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