Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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