Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
