Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
send nudes
from the living room?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
