Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
