Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
