is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
