Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
