i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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