god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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