have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
