my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
