just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
