I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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