ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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