Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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