Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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