i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
