my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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