She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
