just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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