If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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