They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
