This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
