honey bunches of taint.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
