You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
