Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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