LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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