just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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