I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
