I just threw up on my dentist
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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