so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize