dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
