dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize