There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
