Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize