I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want her autograph on my taint
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
