he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
