Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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