his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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