we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Your cock deserves a montage
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
