There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You pole danced in your parka.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
