i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
