hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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