Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
