oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
