Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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