You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i out mim tonsoeep
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
