His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
