babies were throwing up all over the place
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
