no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
