well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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