I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize