we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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