you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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