is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
