"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just come out here and I will go home with you...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
