just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have aggressive nipples.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
