There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
