we made out on top of his cat.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
