All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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