I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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