It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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