Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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